So, because this place has to be regularly updated to sweep out the cobwebs and whatnot, I’m going to inaugurate my series on geek-porny things. Now I don’t mean horny librarians or modified sex robots (Or a weird obsession with realdolls, though I do lament that they’ve removed the flash-based customiser thingy from the site but I digress) but rather tools that make your inner-geek be drawn to the teetering cliffs of techgasm. I’m trying to put together an authoritative list of the best of the best geek tools and utilities that you simply must invest all of your money into right away .
I’m starting off with the keyboard that I’m writing this on:
Doesn't leave a bruise and it tells em who's boss.
The motherfucking Das Keyboard. Named because it is quite literally so bullshit good it’s mindblowing. Okay, fast facts. I’m a pretty rapid typist even in the off season but this thing is straight up motherfucking crack for my fingers. It’s loud (apparently a sign of good construction, which is why women whine so goddamn much), it’s responsive and it actually requires a decent amount of force to hit the mechanical switches.
Also it is powerful optimising at making you stop falling into your old guilty pleasures and looking at the goddamn keys like a hippie. I got it today and before today I always used to look at the weird curly brackets (You know {}) on account of I have to use them all the time as I write them computy programs and they love them because they’re so rarely used in the real world, thus become powerful awesome syntax denoting systems.
Now I can type those bastards till the wolves come home and damn if it ain’t mother of powerful.
Overall Pros:
- Bitch be off the hook
- Dogg it be blank, how chill of hell is that
- Dude, there ain’t no keys, how a motherfucker type with that
- It’s loud, so it’ll piss off your neighbours
- It makes you feel like a hero
Overall Cons:
- It’s pricey.
- One handed typing is a struggle so masturbation is limited slightly
All in all from the small session of typing I’ve performed on this beast of a creation, it has been monstrously enjoyable. It’s no longer a weak experience occupied by amoral men who abscond from combat, but a proper informational experience, dripping with sincerity and bombast. I feel like a general directing a glorious battle with every keystroke. It truly is a kingly experience.
Now whilst it is a bit pricey at around $160.00 delivered in Australia, I feel it’s worth every cent. If you’re anything like me and spend the vast majority of your time before a computer, writing, coding or just generally wasting the fleeting seconds of your life it is a must have of the highest order.
Grab it from www.auspcmarket.com.au (Search for Das Keyboard Ultimate).