5 reasons parents should buy their kids GTA IV and why Australian censorship can go and fuck itself.
Here we go, 5 compelling moral reasons you should subject your children to digitised violence, prostitution and all those other wonderful things that make life worth living.
1. Racism - what better way to stop your twat-mouth child mouthing off at people of different skin colours, cultural background and clothing than to make them play as an illegal (Russian?) immigrant in America. One that can barely speak English.
2. Hookers - show them what real hookers are all about. The strung-out crack addled, unpleasant smelling, worse looking hookers in GTA IV should scare them away from every wanting to have sex with (or be near) a hooker... ever (their loss).
3. Gambling - in the first 10 minutes debt collectors are after you, fucking shit up and wanting their pound of flesh. Teach your kids to gamble responsibly and never borrow money from the mob.
4. Vehicular Manslaughter - nobody likes to wash their car, and blood is really hard to get off (so i've heard). What better way to display the damage a human corpse does to your precious car than with simulated vehicular manslaughter. I mean there's all the cleaning... and the dents, who wants to do through all that trouble.
5. Stealing - bystanders and cops will never help you. So defend your shit kids.
See? look at all the life lessons your kids can learn just from playing a simple videogame, don't you owe them that much?
In other news the Australian version of GTA IV has been compromised by the invisible pigeon-holing committee who's decided it needed to be childproofed to fit into the MA15+ rating. Why the fuck don't we have an R18+ rating? I'm sick of all these nancy-pants "protect our kids by censoring everything so we don't have to do anything, ever" parents. How fucking hard is it to control what your kids watch, read and play. Anyway there is NO correlation between videogame violence and real violence (as much as unconfirmed internet rumours and unsolicited studies would like you to believe). And if you done brought your young'lings up right then what's there to fear, they should be able to adequately separate fact from fiction. If they couldn't we'd expect and epidemic of kids hunting in the woods, looking for knolls to kill so they can gain XP and level up.
I suggest you either import or pirate GTA IV, at least that way you can get the amount of violence and tits you deserve.
Maldark
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